They say it’s best if you can be relaxed.
From the very beginning. You need to try to relax your body during contractions so that they can be productive.
Are you freaking kidding me? It feels like my body is being ripped in two and you want me to relax?
Relax they say. The baby can feel the tension and your milk won’t let down unless you can relax. This alien creature that just days ago shredded my nether regions is now trying to devour my breast! And I’m supposed to relax?! And how much am I supposed to feed him? How do I know how much he is getting? Don’t tell me to relax! Tell me exactly what to do!
I’m pretty sure my child just cracked his skull open but I’m supposed to relax and act like nothing happened? If I’m upset then he will get upset and wait, never mind, he’s fine, off he goes! His head is going to have more dents than a New York taxi cab!
Is that the sign? Is he going to pee? Should I ask him? Or just pick him up and run to the potty? Maybe I should just run get the potty and bring it to him? Wait, the book says to stay relaxed. If he feels pressured then he won’t do it and I will be taking him to college in diapers. Right? I’m sure I read that somewhere. How am I supposed to relax? He’s about to pee all over the carpet! Uh oh, that’s not his pee face. Code brown people! We have a code BROWN!!!
There is nothing relaxing about early childhood parenting and supposedly it doesn’t get any easier. However, all the experts say that it’s best if you can relax. Parenting is easier if you can just relax, yet having children can turn the most laid back person into an over bearing, up-tight helicopter mom! Crouching tiger, hidden mom; literally that mom is hiding in the bushes peering into her kids preschool class window.
It’s mostly us control freaks that have the hardest time. The Type-A parent. I’m working on it! I spend most days telling Noah to stop over reacting and be more patient with Bryce. Hi Kettle, I’m Pot, You’re Black! Wow. They are like little mirrors.
“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” – C.G. Jung
My mother has always joked, “Do As I Say, Not As I Do.” Yea, that doesn’t work. Ever. Want to know how I know? I am just like her. My sister and I joke about it all the time, but it is so true. And in so many ways I am very lucky to be like her. She is an amazing, funny, loving, passionate woman. But, oh the passion. She is a yell-er and now so am I.
But the buck stops here. That’s where Love and Logic has been such a huge help. Instead of reacting and getting into “pissing matches” with the kids you respond with a non-committal, but empathetic grunt. Or a phrase like “I knowwwwww” or “ohhhhhh, that’s too bad.” It’s kind of comical but you have to keep from laughing or sounding sarcastic or it won’t work.
My child who was having some serious anger issues has become a completely different little boy.
And me? I am so much more relaxed. For the time being at least.